Stand up, speak out

Once, a stranger added me on msn and I accepted, thinking it was one of my friends with a dodgy email address. Then he/she said "you're not an ordinary girl are you?". Obviously they were promptly deleted and blocked, but it was weird that whoever it was hadn't been that far off the mark. I'm not an ordinary  girl because NO-ONE is ordinary.
A few years ago, however, I was the sort of girl who was desperate to fit in, because I was bullied and I thought if I was like everyone else I would be left alone. I'm not all that good at fitting in though, and when I moved away and started High School I had the chance for a new start- which I'm eternally grateful for. And for the past 4 years I have been focusing less on fitting in and more on being me. Of course I've had a love of books since I was tiny, so that's never changed. And I kept going to karate, but I also did things that scared the hell out of me. Like choir, being in a school play, helping in the library, going on a school exchange and basically just talking to people.
My Epiphany came when I truly realised, not everyone was going to hurt me. Okay I had setbacks, arguments with friends that brought back uncomfortable memories or just general bad days. But I forgive the people who made my life hell for 6 years and in a way I am, if not thankful, acknowledging that because of my experience with them, I am all of who I am today. Cos' there is a silver lining, you've just got to work for it. I went to counselling for a while, and that helped me become part of a key fund group with girls like me. I also started to volunteer at my school working with year 7's and 8's. And I became part of a youth group, where we do stay awakes for charity, and have quiz and karaoke nights.
But most importantly, I'm happy with who I am, and where I am. And I hope that in the future if I could just inspire ONE girl to change her life the way I did, and truly make a difference, then good can come from bad.

I needed a picture

My blog has been a tad heavy on the text lately, so here's one of my favourite pictures ever. It was taken in summer last year before the friendship group I was in fell apart. Last year was a rough year and these guys helped me through all of it and although not all of them talk to eachother I still talk to all of them. Yey me for being diplomatic :) L-R Raha, Carly, James, me, Vikki (behind), Dan, Chelsea, Alex (behind), Holly, Lou and Emma. Thank you guys <3

Venting, in a lyrical way. Not a sulky teenager way. Promise.

Remember how you used to count every breath as if each one was so precious it deserved it's own special place in time?
Remember how you asked me what I wanted to be when I was older, and my first answer was "like you"
Remember how you would laugh when you remembered the time when I cheered for our English team in a Scottish pub?
Or how you panicked when I was 5 minutes late?
Yet now we're standing here, face to face, the shells of your eyes are empty, vacant. You mutter something I cant hear about "not old enough" or "don't trust you"
Nice.
I say something back but my words are lost to the void that's between us, an entire world of space
I'm the one who's clinging; trying to stay in touch with my mother. But all the 'eh's and the sighs are getting old
So I plan to leave, and off I go- leaving you behind
And we'll count the tears as you once counted the breaths, and we'll realise that this is what we have been hiding for years
Strangers are not the people who are out on the street, they are the people you live with

Stuck on repeat

Is it just me, or are there songs you completely fall in love with, listen to them none stop for weeks then suddenly a couple of months later you think 'I haven't listened to that in a while'. Of course I end up re-falling in love with the song and the whole process starts again like its stuck on repeat. Okay it's a tad monotonous, but there's no such thing as having too much of a good thing right?

Favourite Characters

What makes a character special? so they, more than any other, reach out and pull at us until we laugh, feel pain and love as they do. We feel we want to protect them from harm, grow with them and learn from them.

Henry DeTamble (Time Travellers Wife) The amazing time traveller, he's so cultured, and has a dry sense of humour, you cant help BUT love Henry.

Julia Romano (My Sister's Keeper) I CRIED when I found out the character of Julia wasn't in the film. She's everything feminism wants women to be, independent and a free spirit, though Campbell steals some of that away from her, her life doesn't depend on him (UNLIKE BELLA SWAN, WHO I HATE)

Robert Langdon(Angels and Demons, Da Vinci Code and Lost Symbol) not only is he a symbology genius  but he's a pretty funny guy. And he's played by a fit actor. End of.

Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter's 1-7) There's something irresistible about him.

Lisbeth Salander (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) She's a computer hacker and incredibly intelligent. Also, very witty. AMAZING.

Dream Dream Dream

What is the significance of dreams? why does everyone feel the need to have a goal to work to of what they want to do with their life and push it aside saying that's never going to happen- it might if you work hard enough for it! No-one gets what they want just by sitting around and waiting for it- you've got to go out and make it happen. 
My dreams:

• Live in Paris
• Become an english lit teacher. 

Slightly obsessive

J'adore Paris. So much I have created a new Future plan eeeek.
First, I need to pass my A levels and find a tutor willing to let me self study for an additional French a level (what possessed me to take science instead of French?!) then to a gap year (hopefully in France) and hopefully a combined honours degree in English lit and French, before doing a postgrad. teaching degree at a French university, and teaching English at a French school...that's the plan anyway.

Does you inspire you?

Inspiration,  I think, can be found anywhere. In the pages of a book, in a quote, in what someone is wearing. Everywhere something is waiting to inspire you. I get inspired by hot summer evenings where the sun is only beginning to set at 9pm and everything is Pulsing with opportunity. I get inspired by authors who actually write about something for a deep and meaningful reason. I get inspired by a huge piece of blank paper that practically begs to be filled with doodles, musings, quotes and lyrics. I get inspired by fast paced music, that makes you just want to go out and achieve something. But most of all, just looking at the sky inspires me because it reminds me, the possibilities are endless.

Judge a book by it's cover

My favourite book covers and quotes :)

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- I love the adult covers more than the kids ones but this is my favourite

"Excuse me, I have to go vomit" - Hermione Granger.

 Time Traveller's Wife- I like the vintage look cover and how Claire is the only one there, waiting for Henry because that basically says the basic plot.

"Love the world and yourself in it, move through it like it offers no resistance,  as though it is your natural element"

 1984
I like how it shows the main characters on the cover and the vintage look to it :)

"Sanity is not statistical"

 Jane Eyre- I love the colours and the way she is a silhouette it looks very pretty :)

"He made me love him without looking at me"

 Twilight- I like the contrast of the colours and how Meyer has used an apple- which symbolises temptation (Adam and Eve) and red which symbolises desire, blood, death and warning

"when life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end" 

 The Great Gatsby- I like how it shows the champagne which is bubbly, full of life, dry and an acquired taste (pretty much like the book itself) and has Gatsby and Daisy's silhouettes dancing in the middle (okay, I like silhouettes)

"so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back carelessly into the past" 

 The Worlds Wife- I like the colour and how it looks like a wall with photographs in frames hanging up on it

"I swear the air softened and warmed as she moved, the blue sky smiling"- Demeter. 

   The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo- unlike the edition released after the film was made, I like how the series's covers show Salander gradually turning around until finally you see her full portrait- and the real her

"He thought that orcs, unlike human beings, were simple and uncomplicated creatures"

 The Lovely Bones- I like how it shows both Susie and her killer. The killer is wearing a coat which I think is good because it relates to this quote...

"He wore his innocence like a comfortable old coat"

 Alice in Wonderland- I love how it looks hand drawn and it makes me think of childhood- being curious, wanting to know everything, and going on adventures

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, for I'm not myself you see"

she don't run from the sun no more

ITS FRIDAYYYYYY! so I thought Id do a recap of my week. This week Iv'e been...
Reading- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...AGAIN :)
Explaining the plot of Harry Potter to my boyfriend
Catching up with friends like Erica, Holly and Tom who I havent seen in AAAAAAAAges
Meeting new people like James :D
Wearing my favourite new boots...they're red so apparently Im now Dorothy :)

A beach day

Today I am going to my favourite place in the world....the beach!! cos we only live, like, 5 miles away me and my friends are walking so its good exercise, I'm just worried about the size of my bag!!

1. I need to take James's medication
2. ball, bat, Frisbee etc..
3. a beach book
4. hat, sun-cream, sunglasses, glasses case, beach towel
5. picnic stuff
6. phone, money, keys, ipod
7. spare t shirt, jeans, trainers and socks (I'm being brave/stupid and wearing shorts

This could most definitely be a challenge! 

Plus theres 10-12 of us going (maybe more if the 'maybe' people show up) Oh dear. 

However, the beach seems the perfect place to read a beach book so here I go :) 

5 inspiring authors :)

1. Malorie Blackman (Noughts and Crosses) because she has written an amazing series on a dystopia where black people (crosses) descriminate against white people (noughts)
2. JK Rowling (Harry Potter) because she had no money and sent her first book to the publishers in a reporters jotter, and it was left alone for a couple of years before they published but the series is amazing :)
3. Jacqueline Wilson (Tracy Beaker etc) totally iconic children's stories and she wrote LOADS
4. Jerry Spinelli (Star Girl) It's impossible not to love Stargirl's amazing, if slightly erratic character. In my opinion she represents the creative fearless person in all of us that we're too scared to show for fear of standing out.
5. C.S Lewis (Chronicles of Narnia) I love this series and I admit to trying to walk through my wardrobe shamelessly looking for Narnia.

BALTIC

Okay so its not exactly a book review. But they have books there so it counts, I think. And they have DESIGN books. Especially about Banksy and Pop art. Give me one of them and I will love you forever :) For people unfamiliar with the Baltic its a converted flower mill in NewastleGateshead which has become a gallery for contemporary art. And I should have a world record for spending an hour in the gift shop alone. Books+little gadget-y things I'm never going to need+ lots of souvenirs that I don't need cause I practically live next to it= a very happy me. To me art and literature are on the same boat. Same goes with fashion, music etc.. Its all about self expression, and I love self-expression. The thing that captivates me is the way that a little creativity can make something that seems perfectly ordinary come alive. I'm the secret artist, the one without a particular talent but with an eye for what works, I think. I'm creative in my own little way, looking at art and evaluating it. Unfortunately the galleries were closed but I did get to go outside and watch the Millennium Bridge rotate. In all my years living here I have never seen it. And it was worth it.